'whats My Name?'

Of course I have to have a job on top of all this, i have an addiction to shoes, you see. so something has to pay for it.

In real life, i am bar staff. i am the over stressed girl behind the bar of the club your in pouring your drink. I'd sorta like to just rant at you about things i dont like (or do like)about bar work. I was playing this over in my head the other night, while trying to wind down after getting in a 7am. There was a fight, people were rude, we ran out of red stripe, the DJ fell over and broke his ankle, people were taking drugs on my bar, people were shouting at me and while all this was happening i was wondering why people dont have any respect.

What is it, reader, that makes you think i am stupid/slow/incompetent/blind the minute you tell me your order?

I would first like to take a minute to explain the 'Jobs that pay the rent theory'. well here, in a nutshell is the definition of JTPTR.

'to have a shit job that you work your ass of for but dont earn you any money. The supermarket clerk, the receptionist, the bar staff, the glass collector, the maid, the waitstaff - the really shit jobs that the general public judge without thinking'

If you are in a JTPTR then i applaud you. you deserve a pay rise. you are a tank, a unit. you are hardcore. Because you have 2 JTPTR while you do a degree. you get 4 hours of sleep a night and the only way you can go to sleep is if your drunk. your so stressed that you have become accustomed to panic attacks and stress rashes. your a tank. go and sleep.

Honestly.

And you, general public! why are you rude to us? were just doing a job the way our managers want, and the only remotly good thing i can say is 'Im sorry, there is nothing i can do, its a company policy' and that just mkes you worse.
why do you think your better than me?

LIST ONE: The 'dont' list for cutomers of a bar/club/pub

1. Dont wave money at us, we are not that poor that we become hipnotised by your grubby £20 note.
   
2. I will not give you a kiss because its your birthday, you are drunk. and married.
   
3. Unless you know my middle name i will not give you a free drink. i dont care.
4. WE DONT TAKE CARDS. bring cash with you, silly plastic toting airhead.
   
5. NO, that drink is £3.40, not £1. it will never change.
6. Do you want a guiness? order it first.
   
7. if you dont want ice/want a straw or ice/ want hot water in your drink blah blah blah please tell me so.
8. if you notice i am pouring you something you didnt ask for, try and warn me. i dont like wastage.
   
9. you lost your phone/keys/card/knickers/coat/dog/boyfriend i cant actually poof it out of the air, i am not harry potter. the chances are they have been stolen, im sorry. really, i am.
10. I dont remember what your 8 drink round is, i have served 400 drinks since you dribbled drunk on my bar, can you tell me what it is?
11. really, i am very stressed.
12. its not really possible to have a good night while i am at work.
    
13. when i say 'the bar is closed' i want you to take it in, and understand me.
    
14. touch me, hit me, swear at me and i have and will kick you out of the club.

Dont get me wrong, I'm not rude. i love my job and im good at it. i just want to get through this shift with nothing going wrong.

LIST TWO: The 'dont's for if you work behind the bar.

1. When you pour shots do it like this. go and get the shot glass, put it infront of the customer, then go and get the bottle and pour it into the shot glass, dont try and carry 8 shots across a busy bar, it will end up on your shirt.
   

OKAY. i have many more of these. but i am tried, and have to go back to work.
BYE,

Nat